I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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