just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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