Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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