Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
