Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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