how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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