The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I think i got beer on your cat.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
