i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
