I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
