Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
