And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I could make wine with my vomit
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
