wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
