So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
