Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
