Just mADE A PArabola og urine
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We just shotgunned beers for America
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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