I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
