i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
