yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
