I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
