I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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