Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
