According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
why do cheetos always look like penises
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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