There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
