Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
