That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
