Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
