Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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