Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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