Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
