The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
