is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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