After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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