He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
