I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
