Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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