the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
