I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
