I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
