You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
