Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
