Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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