glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Vodka?
Forever.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
