she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
