i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
