I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
