I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
