Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
false alarm, still single
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
