I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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