if i can run in heels then i can drive
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
