he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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