I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
