She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
