I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
